Twas the Night Before (a Brown) Christmas
T'was the night before Christmas
And throughout the Brown homes
Not a person was stirring,
'Cause it's Kody who roams.
The stockings were hung by the chimneys with care
In the hopes that Daddy soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of time with Dad danced in their heads.
And Janelle in her kerchief and Christine in her cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out on the lawns there arose such a clatter
Meri sprang from her bed to have a good natter
(at whoever was fool enough to disturb her dreams about being best friends with Robyn).
Away to the window Robyn flew like a flash
Slipped on a sock and fell on her ass
(why she has farm animals in the house I'll never know)
The moon on the dust of Vegas below.
Gave the hazy appearance of Utah below
(ah, Home Sweet Home).
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But a little white Lexus, so easy to steer
(except through streams)
With a funny blonde driver, with hair on the fly.
I knew in a second it must be that guy.
More rapid than eagles
His spirit children came
And he danced, epileptic, and shouted their names.
"On Logan, Mariah, Aspyn and Maddie.
Mykelti and Paedon, Oh Hunter you baddie.
(Not really Hunter, we love you best)
Gabe, Garrison, Gwennie and Izzy.
Oh, good gravy, I'm getting dizzy.
Breanna, Aurora, and Savanah too!
Is it David or Dayton; which one are you?
Young Sol and Truly they round out the crew.
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all.
Up to the house top the Lexus they flew
Loaded with debt and the wild hair-boy, too.
Then in a twinkling I heard on the roof
The wild carefree stomping of each little hoof
As I shook my head (in disbelief) and was turning around
Down the chimney Kody came with a hair flip and bound.
He was dressed from the 70's from his head to his toe
And his clothes reminded me of a big ole man %$^
A bundle of credit card bills in his hand.
He looked just like everyone else in this land.
A wink of his eye and a flip of his head
Let me know that soon we would be wed.
He spoke not a word and went straight to his work
Emptied all the stockings and turned; what a jerk.
Laying a finger inside of his nose;
Gave me the bird and up the chimney he rose.
He ran to his hot-rod and gave a wild whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
(It was the next wife's night)
Merry Christmas to all. Polygamy's all right.
Written by Terrasola!
